#it went from fluffy romance to me mentally fucking up my characters to give them depth

[lyramundana]

For years, my mind has been filled with a very, extremely specific x reader fic with Bang Chan, Lee Minho and Han Jisung, and Hwang Hyunjin, where the four of them have an individual romance with three different foreign girls, who also happen to be sisters. However, because the scenarios in my mind were constantly changing and I never had the courage to write an entire fanfic, it all stayed in my mind, only for me to see and know. 

But since I’ve recently come to discover how relaxing it feels to get them out of your system by posting them here and having other people join my delussions, I’ll start to write those small ideas I have come up with lately and sharing them here for the world to see. 

How I’ll start? I have no idea.

[miradelletarot]

Storytime!

(TW: brief mention of self-harm, and uhh...idk if this is a trigger, but I'll be talking about my shit relationship with my parents/husband). I'll be honest, I'm anxious about writing this, but...idk maybe this long-winded rambling will make some sense to someone out there. Hoping the catharsis of writing this shit out will be therapeutic or something. Anyway, I am 37. My parents are at least a generation older than most of my peers' parents. (They are boomers...big shocker lol). I grew up with a TON of spicy mental and emotional trauma, and was brainwashed into believing that I could not do a damn thing unless they told me to. I was worthless without them. Even now, as an adult, I struggle with this shit. Grateful for having a good therapist to help me thru it all. Because of my parents I was robbed of a potential singing career, a creative writing career, and a music production career. They paid for college that I didn't wanna go to, and started having thoughts of self-harm that went ignored. "I just want ONE of my kids to go to college..." said my mother. I muddled my way through with the help of my (at the time) BF. I ended up with a rushed Management degree I barely graduated with, and all of my hopes and dreams left to die. So, it's been approximately 18 years since I have written *anything*. I stopped reading fan fics, stopped creative writing in any capacity because i was told it wouldn't put food on the table, and wasn't worth the time spent. I struggle to sing in front of ppl because i am afraid of making mistakes. Imposter syndrome is cranked up to 11. BG3 has given me something to focus on, and enjoy these days. I have been in a romance-less relationship with my husband (the BF from college) for 16 yrs now, and I'm...unhappy. Romancing a fictional character has tapped into the part of my brain that is STARVING for emotional fulfillment. I got little love and affection from my parents, and my husband is not at all romantic. I do far more for him than he does for me. So, I have rediscovered fanfics and they truly give me joy. Those fanfics sparked the creativity that I used to have 18 yrs ago. I actually had the *desire* to write something again. I forgot what it felt like to take an idea and write about it. What's really sad is that a fictional character (Gale) treats me (well, my Tav) better than my own husband treats me. So, now I have something to write about. I get to imagine what it would be like if I were my Tav, and I got the romance that I wished I had. It took me playing BG3, and accidentally romancing Gale on my 1st playthrough to realize that there *are* people out there who can actually be this sweet and romantic, and I deserve better. I wish I could save scum the last 16 yrs of my life, but still have the wisdom I have today. Since I can't do that, I'll read and write the fluffy shit that I live and breathe for, and figure out how to leave my husband without a job, a car, and terrible credit. ...and it took a damn video game character to bonk me over the head, and finally realize I deserve so much more than I currently have. Thank fuck that I am in therapy.

[fbfh]

“forever” paxton hall-yoshida x reader

genre: fluffy romance + mutual pining (not too slowburn tho lol)

word count: 3.4k

au: none?? jock x theatre nerd ig

pairing: Paxton x broadway baby!reader 

requested: yes !! i hope u like it uwu

warnings: one hell one motherfucking and i think that’s it for swearing?? um brief self deprecating/talking bad abt urself from paxton (bby boy needs a self love boost), reader and paxton are home alone together for a little while but nothing bad happens, uh,,, i think that’s it

summary: when Eleanor can’t run lines with you, she sends over a very attractive, mutually pining substitute.

reccomended songs: “Seventeen” - Tuck everlasting OBC, “The Kiss” -The Princess Diaries score

a/n: i’m p sure i kept the reader p gender neutral but there’s implied slightly long hair, and you play the lead (a girl named winnie) in ur schools production of tuck everlasting but like it’s theatre so anyone can play anyone lol,, this took so got dam long bc i’m fucking s o f t for jock x artist and it just sorta happened lol aLsO,, not super thoroughly edited so there might be a typo or two?? im tired lol

requests r open <3

You had only ever seen two athletes present during rehearsals. Once when Madeline (who at the time was playing Penny in your production of Hairspray) was dating a guy from the soccer team. The other was when the star of the basketball team had come in to give your choreographer pointers for the basketball scenes during High School Musical. 

Until now.

You had run onstage part of the way through “Live Like This”, which wasn’t out of the ordinary since so much progress had been made on the costumes. You were still tying the ribbon on your pinafore as you jumped into the song, but when your eyes met a face in the usually empty auditorium, you faltered. You almost sang the wrong verse, but recovered quickly, continuing with the blocking. What felt like a moment later, the number was almost done and you were nearing the end of your counterpoint with Mae Tuck - played by Eleanor, of course. Who could be better for the part? You held out the last note, trying to stay in character despite all the distractions in the back of your mind. You had to talk to Eleanor when the director called for 10; she’d started telling you how Devi was being weird recently. Also, what the Hadestown was Paxton Hall-Yoshida doing chilling in the auditorium? You shoved all that away, focusing on staying in character until the director called for a break. 

‘I want to go to the fair. I want to go so badly! I just need a change, need to get out of this house for a little while. I never do anything, so this can’t be asking for too much, right?’ 

You projected all that into your everything - face, voice, mannerisms, energy.

“Hold!” 

Everyone froze.

The director wrote a few things on his paper, sighed, and underlined something several times. 

“Okay, good job! I need to revise some of the blocking, then we’ll do notes, so take ten.” Your sudden nerves had definitely made you pitchy, you knew that would be one of your notes for sure. 

A chorus of “Thank you ten”s erupted, and you immediately ran to Eleanor, telling the others good job as you passed. 

You leaned in and started speaking to her, quietly.

“Okay you need to finish telling me about Devi, and that other news you’re being so cryptic about! Also, what’s up with Fierro over there?” you nodded towards Paxton hoping he wouldn’t see, and you noticed Fab is sitting near him. You realized they’re probably waiting for Eleanor and/or Devi. That must be it, he’s been hanging out with them lately, right? Eleanor gasped.

“You’re right! Paxton is such a Fierro!”

You cringed inwardly a little bit as her voice carried through the auditorium, mixing with the others. Your eyes darted over to him for a fraction of a second. Oh god. He was looking at you. Or in your general direction at least. Lena, the costumer, walked around the set gingerly, following you around and getting you out of your dress incredibly carefully as you and Eleanor walked off stage. 

“No! Well, yes- but no. What’s he doing here? Jocks never come here during rehearsals. I saw Fab too, are you guys and Devi getting dinner or something?” You said, entering the auditorium, and stepping out of the dress. You grabbed sweatpants and a silky, floral kimono jacket from your bag to throw over your leotard and tights. She waved back at Fab before sitting down in the front. You both grabbed your fans and dramatically flicked them open in sync. Your wrists fluttered, cooling both of you off.  A knowing, and slightly mischievous, look came on her face. 

“Devi and Fab and I are. Paxton must be here for something… else.” she shrugged, nodding towards Paxton. You looked over again. He was staring at you. You did a double take and tried to hold back your smile. 

“Wh- I do not know to what you are referring.” 

“To what I am referring is the blush on his cheeks.”

You barely held back a nervous, bubbling laugh.

“He is not blushing! Why would he be blushing!”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “Just like how I don’t know that he’s been loitering in the halls outside the music room during your last three solo music rehearsals.”

You struggled for an answer. Before you could form one, you were interrupted.

“Okay, okay what is the best Lin Manuel Miranda musical? Because Kathryn thinks it’s Hamilton-” 

“Duh!”

“-But I think it’s In the Heights! It’s an underrated jewel!” Jonah interjected, still wearing his Jesse Tuck hat. 

You considered for a moment.

“I mean, they’re too different to compare. In the Heights has the same energy as Rent - showcasing what goes on in ordinary people’s lives, and how love ties us all together,” he nodded in agreement, “But Hamilton is on a way larger scale, almost Les Mis meets Fun Home vibes. But in terms of personal preference…” Eleanor scoffed at your answer, and Jonah went back to debate further with Kathryn.

“Anyway,” you turned back to Eleanor to ask her what the hell she meant by Paxton Hall-Yoshida was blushing. But before you could-

“Eleanor, we need you to try on your blue dress again,” Lena was already pulling her away, “I had the empire waist in the right place but half the pins fell out, and it’s just...” And she was whisked away before you could finish the thought. You just had time to help Holly get out her wig pins and drink some lemon water before notes. Eleanor still wasn’t back, so you made sure to write down hers for her. It was pretty standard; be quiet backstage, go over your lines, don’t touch props that aren’t yours, don’t eat in costume, and a couple blocking changes you made note of. After your end of rehearsal warm downs and huddle, everyone left relatively quickly. You ducked into the bathroom to freshen up a little. Sometimes it was hard coming down from such intense energy after rehearsal. You mentally ran through your to do list. You needed to get some more tea, write that essay when you got home, go over your notes- You gasped, cutting off your own train of thought. You ran out of the bathroom to look for Eleanor, still clutching her notes in hand. 

~

Your voice still echoed in Paxton’s ears. He wished he had a whole album of you singing. Your voice made him want to ruin his spotify algorithm by listening to nothing else. You had looked at him a couple times, and his heart had almost stopped. He didn’t know eye contact could be so intense. It’s probably just cause you’re like, the only person in the audience. Where else is she supposed to look? He deflated a little. He heard his name and looked over to you and Eleanor talking together. Hopefully it was about him. Hopefully it was good. He checked his phone, trying to look busy. When he glanced up to see if you were looking, you were gone. He started to look around for you when he saw Eleanor waving at Fab, and sure enough, you were next to her. What he didn’t expect was you dropping your dress to the ground. Time slowed down (and his heart sped up) as you stretched a little, and pulled out sweatpants from your bag.

Wow.

 You had on what looked like a bathing suit on underneath, and a few other people had done the same, but he knew that image would be in his memory, probably forever. His heart was beating in his ears and he knew he must be blushing.

“You okay, Paxton?” Fab asked, a seat or two away. Oh god, he didn’t want people asking why he blushed every time he looked at you! He muttered something about needing to make a call and headed for the doors. Don’t look back at her, don’t look back at her… His eyes involuntarily darted in your direction right before he left. You had on a flowy translucent jacket, your hair thrown back supermodel style as you fanned yourself to cool down. He needed to cool down too. Maybe a cold shower, a really cold shower.

~

You managed to find Eleanor just before she left. Two girls were with her, you had seen Fab once, and you’d heard a lot about Devi, but had never been introduced. 

You gave Eleanor her notes, and she hugged you.

“You’re a lifesaver!” 

“Of course, I-”

“Uh, who’s this?” you looked over, and the shorter girl - Devi, based on what you’d heard about her -  was giving you a weird look. You introduced yourself. 

“Nice to meet you. How do you know Eleanor?” said the taller girl - definitely Fab.

“Oh,” you smiled, “she’s my almost mother in law. And my arch rival,” you counted on your fingers, “my sister, my niece, my lover, my husband, and…” you trailed off, trying to think of the other dynamics your characters had had in past shows.

“Your co-conspirator.” 

“Right,” you laughed. Devi and Fab looked at you two.

“We’re in the musical together.” you clarified. You were about to part ways when you called to Eleanor, “Hey, we’re still on for running lines tomorrow night?” 

“Uh… Sounds good!” she walked away quickly, speaking to Devi and Fab in hushed tones. Something was definitely up. That was typical Eleanor Scheming behavior. 

~

That night, you almost couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t the normal post rehearsal can’t sleep. In fact, Tuck Everlasting was the last thing on your mind as you readjusted your pillows and snuggled into your duvet. You stared at the neon blue stars projected and swirling on your ceiling. You sighed. Again. Your brain was a 24/7 livestream of Paxton Hall-Yoshida to relax/study to. You saw him again, his face in the dimly lit auditorium, Adonis in a sea of faded seats. If you hadn’t been sure before, you knew now that red was definitely his color. You rolled onto your side. Your heart picked up speed as a thought crossed your mind. You could almost see Paxton now, kneeling next to you, his fingertips brushing your cheek. The piano underscore to “Seventeen” ran through your mind. You could imagine him saying “Wait with me, we could share the world…” so vividly it almost hurt. He leaned in, and… 

You let out a loud sigh and rolled over again. Your heart was fully saturated. That’s more than enough pining for tonight. 

~

“Paxton!” 

He was a little surprised when Eleanor just walked up to him at lunch the next day. Most people were too intimidated to approach him out of the blue. 

“I have a plan.”

“Uh, I don’t know what you-”

“Cut the crap, I know you like her.” 

His face blanched. Well, yeah of course he did. Who wouldn’t? He was going to ask Eleanor if there was something he could do to win you over, just not here, not now. Not where everyone could watch and jeer and rib him for it. Just like they were doing now. 

“Woah, dude, who is it?” Trent asked. He fumbled for words. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He hadn’t kept his crush a secret because he was embarrased of you, he’d kept it a secret because his dumbass friends wouldn’t get you. Hell, he barely got you. You were so deep, and emotive, and artistic... 

“Bro, if you like her as much as it seems like you do,” Trent continued, “you gotta win her over.” He was a little shocked at the agreement murmuring through his group of friends. He didn’t know how to respond. Trent turned to Eleanor.

“What’s the plan, drama mama?”

“First of all,” she said, an almost humorously dangerous look on her face, “never call me that again. Second,” she shoved some papers into Paxton’s hands, “meet me in the music room immediately after school.” She started back for her table. Trent looked back over to Paxton. 

“You gotta do it, dude. We’ll cover for you at swim.” 

The rest of his friends agreed. He was pleasantly surprised at how supportive they were being. 

“Yeah, I guess... we’ve got a plan.”

~

The next day went by pretty smoothly. No rehearsal was scheduled since they were finishing construction for some of the sets, but everyone was instructed to do a couple read throughs of the script, focusing on scenes they’re still forgetting, to make sure everyone’s off book. You stopped by 7 Eleven to get a blue slurpee (for homework) and a couple coconut waters (for run throughs). You texted Eleanor on your way to the slurpee machine. 

okay so do you like the mango coconut water or the pineapple one?? It’s the mango one right?? i always forget lmao

sent at 4:16 pm

btw I don’t have that much homework so you can probs come by around 5:30 if you’re ready by then

sent at 4:16 pm

Bae Tuck

OMFG!! I totally forgot about running lines tonight, I can’t make it! :( but I’ll send someone over to help you out. :)

sent at 4:17 pm

You squinted at your screen. That was weird. Eleanor never used colon parentheses smilies. Like, ever. She always used emojis, and usually way more than two per text. 

yeah np, are u good? ♡

sent at 4:17 pm

Bae Tuck

Yes :)

sent at 4:18 pm

Bae Tuck

Also get the passionfruit one 🥥🍠 👀

sent at 4:18

that’s,,, el that’s a sweet potato,,

sent at 4:19 pm

Bae Tuck

Close enough 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

sent at 4:19pm

...Okay? That was definitely weird. You shook it off and headed for the counter to pay. You stopped half way there, and turned back to swap the mango for passionfruit. 

Not long after you had finished your homework and tidied up your room a little, the doorbell rang. You exited the kitchen, drinks in hand, and opened the door. Your heart caught in your throat. Paxton Hall-Yoshida was standing outside. And you were pretty sure he looked nervous. You both just stood there for a second. No one breathed, no one spoke. 

“Uh, hi, do you want to…” you backed up, motioning for him to come inside. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, entering the doorway. Paxton motherfucking Hall-Yoshida was in your living room. You held out a hand to him.

“Coconut water?” he took the box, looked at the label, and smiled. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he said again, this time a faint, yet unmistakable note of joy in his voice. He took a sip. He smiled.

“Passionfruit’s my favorite.” You silently thanked Eleanor, who you knew must have planned all this. Most of the evening was a blur, and you thanked god your family wasn’t home right now. You went upstairs, texted Eleanor asking what the actual fuck, made some surprisingly comfortable small talk, then filled him in on how to run lines. 

“Do you think playing the soundtrack would help you… get into character?” he asked. 

“I would probably just end up singing the whole thing,” You laughed and tried to ignore the butterflies in your chest. The main scene you struggled with was before “Seventeen”. It was harder to get into Winnie’s head because you had no romantic feelings for Jonah, and you always just made each other laugh. You had started with a few easier scenes of Winnie and Jesse, like the fair, and the dialogue before “Top of the World”. 

“That was really good,” he said, and you felt the sincerity of his words. 

“Thanks…” you smiled and took a sip of coconut water, hoping you weren’t blushing too hard. 

“So what next?” he asked. 

“Probably the scene before ‘Seventeen’,” you said, giving him the page and scene number, “it’s one of the hardest ones for me. I guess I just can’t connect to Jonah the way Winnie does.” 

“Huh,” he said, skimming the page. When you looked up at him, he had something between a smile and a smirk playing at his lips. You made yourself look away before you got too distracted. You refused to think about the fact that you were sitting across from Paxton Hall-Yoshida on your bed, in your room, like you were… close with each other. His eyes skimmed the script, finding the dialogue. He glanced up at you and nodded, indicating he found his place. You began.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t get away,” you said, jumping into character.

“I may be 102, but I can still outrun anyone,” a smile played at his lips. You smiled, then let your face fall.

“I’m so sorry, I-I tried to warn you-”

“No, no,” he interjected almost seamlessly, “It’s okay, it’s… refreshing having someone look after me who isn’t my mom.” His eyes flickered between your face and the page. You smiled with him for a second, then let distress cloud your face.

“Jesse… that man came by my house today. He heard the music box, he knows about you-”

“I know he knows…” 

You continued on with the scene and he trailed off when he came to the sheet music for the song Seventeen. You took in a breath to start the dialogue in the middle of the song, but before you could…

“Six years from now you will turn seventeen,

Turn seventeen,

The same age as me,

Six years from now,

Go to the spring,

Go to the spring and drink…”

He was singing to you. He was looking at you and singing to you. His eyes only flickered down to the page to confirm the lyrics. He was nervous, you could tell. But through his hesitance, the emotion in his voice was sincere. Your heart was beating faster. You didn’t even notice your pulse was ringing in your ears, you were too focused on Paxton. 

“I'll wait for you till you turn seventeen,

Turn seventeen,

The same age as me,

Six years from now,

Go to the spring,

Go to the spring and drink…” Your hand rose to cover your mouth. He hesitated, and you remembered your dialogue.

“Uh, wh-what if I… forget where the spring is?” He reached out and took your free hand in his. Your pulse was off the charts. “I’ll go get you some water. Just… remember to keep it somewhere safe. Somewhere no one will find it.” You got the feeling he wasn’t just talking about the water. You knew he had never really been in a serious relationship before, and it clicked suddenly - if he learned an entire song to duet with you, just how much he must like you. You exhaled a breathy laugh, unsure how to process the sudden euphoria you felt. 

“You make the world sound so… exciting. I just want to drink the water right now!”

“Uh, no. You have to wait.” you both smiled, anticipating the upcoming joke.

“Why?” you ask, “What’s the difference?” You held your breath as he tried not to laugh through the delivery of the punchline. 

“Believe me,” he rubbed his thumb over your hand, “there’s a difference.” You both chuckled, and he continued singing. You were so focused on him, so… touched that he would do all this for you. 

“Winnie, wait with me,

And we could be married,

Winnie, wait with me,

And we'll share the world,

Winnie, you can stop time,

And live like this,

Forever…”

“I could live like this forever,” you echoed.

“Live like this...” you sang in tandem.

“What do you say, Winnie? Do you want to…” he broke character suddenly, and asked, his eyes boring into yours, “Do you want to go out some time?” 

He could see the adorable smile blooming on your face, even from behind your hand. You nodded.

“Yes, I-I would love that,” and you began to sing the last line in the song, “Forever-” 

But before you finished holding out the note, his lips were on yours. His mouth moved slowly, intentionally, against yours. You followed his lead, flustered. He leaned further forward, his palm caressing your cheek. It was everything you imagined it would be, and you had quite the imagination. Your head was angled up and your hands rested themselves on his back, one tracing little shapes. Your shoulders were pressed against each other and neither of you could think. He was so warm. He tasted like coconut and passion fruit, and a distant part of your mind silently thanked Eleanor again. 

You really could live like this forever.

[amphii-writes]

Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have

these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh

warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing

Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t

Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know

Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)

Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”

Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!

Aone likes to bake

Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing

daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON

Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry

Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid

Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 

Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage

Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact

Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it

Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane

Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions

Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year

Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown

Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him

Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team

Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out

Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid

Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary

Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on

Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady

There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke

Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible

Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.

80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord

Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)

Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry

Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.

Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him

During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more

mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’

Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why

mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around

For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit

Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto

Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”

Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween

Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion

Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody

Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can

Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid

Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold

Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)

Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting

Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 

KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU

Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.

Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))

Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month

TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID

atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)

tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won

i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.

Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit

Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious

tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them

Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though

Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit

kita knits and crochets with his grandma

Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran

Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn

kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up

Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks

akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice

Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again

Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.

Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know

Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming

Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"

Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off

Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord

Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym

suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest

The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother

Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|

Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray

tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it

Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said

the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"

oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid

yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together

Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"

tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him

Tsukishima had a my little pony phase

you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day

i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true

Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team

Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)

dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 

i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 

ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 

IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 

OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 

Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 

DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"

[hydra-collector]

touch

AO3

Ship: Analogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders

TW: drinking mention, panic attack, food

Words: 1796

Summary: Neither Virgil nor Logan are particularly touchy people, but they become more and more comfortable with it as they grow closer.

Note: High school AU

“Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you consider us friends?”

“I mean, yeah, we’re sitting at the same lunch table and we’ve pretty consistently talked for like, a month. It doesn’t take too long for me to consider people friends.”

“Ah. Do you mind if we make an agreement for how we should proceed in our friendship, just to lay out some ground rules so neither of us overstep a boundary or don’t know when someone needs help? It could really be anything.”

“Oh, sure, I guess. Do I get to add on?”

“Considering friendship implies that both sides are as important as the other, I think it would be inappropriate if I didn’t let you.”

Logan began pulling out his binder, taking a piece of scrap paper from inside. He scribbled a title and the beginnings of a list.

“First thing, I would prefer if you didn’t take my glasses. Some people do it quite often as a joke, and it’s extremely irritating, especially considering I can barely see without them.”

“Okay, teach. How about… if I have a panic attack you- no, I can’t ask you to-”

“If what you’re asking is just that you’d like me to help you, I don’t see why that’s unreasonable.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Logan tapped his pen on the table as he considered what to add next.

“You can ask me for help on your homework, but I won’t give you answers.”

“Damn it.”

“You have to learn the material, Virgil.”

“Fine. So, if either of us has a crush or something, the other person will try to give them the courage to tell them.”

“That’s fair. It’s something friends usually do, right? I don’t have very many.”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Okay, next thing. If I text you asking where you are, whether we were going to meet up or I’m simply concerned, you have to answer if you can. I had a friend at one point that didn’t respond and it turned out that they’d been getting drunk, and no one was even with them.”

“I can promise I’m not gonna get drunk.”

“Wouldn’t you appreciate someone that makes sure you didn’t get abducted or something anyway?”

“...Yeah, I guess.”

They sat there for a moment, both trying to decide what to add. Virgil looked up for a moment, seeming to think of something.

“Okay, so do you have any problems with touching?”

“Touching?”

“Yeah like, would it bother you if I tapped your shoulder to get your attention, or pulled you by the hand to get you to go somewhere, or hugged you if you have a mental breakdown or something?”

“I don’t have any particular qualms about it, but I do find it awkward if I don’t know someone very closely. Are you specifically affectionate with your friends?”

“Nah, I’m pretty much like you. I guess if it happens, it’s usually fine. Although I’d prefer it if you asked during panic attacks.”

Logan nodded, noting it at the end of the list.

“Anything else?”

“That’s it, I think.”

~~

Virgil sat beside Logan, hand holding up his chin as he neglected the bangs covering his eyes. They were set on his homework, a pencil resting in his other hand.

“I understand what I’m doing now, but I still don’t get how. Do I put this here or-”

Logan pushed Virgil’s hand to the other side of the equation, copying the number there instead.

“It doesn't go beside the va- Virgil, are you alright?”

He wore an odd expression on his face, looking between this hand and Logan.

“Oh, yeah, I’m… continue, I just zoned out for a second.””

“Okay. It doesn’t go beside the variable because…”

~~

Virgil caught up with Logan, who was seemingly heading home. He had a bit of money he’d been meaning to spend after school, and who better to share a meal with than Logan? He’d never eaten the school lunches (to be fair, neither did Virgil) but he wasn’t sure if he brought anything today, so he likely hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He usually brought lunch, or snacks at least, especially with his lectures about good eating schedules.

“Hey, Lo.”

“Hello, Virgil.”

“Wanna go get something to eat? I’m feeling particularly altruistic. Plus, nobody’s home right now so I’ll have no one to hang out with.”

“Well, I suppose I don’t have anything to do. Except homework. I always start on my homework the moment-”

Virgil rolled his eyes, grabbing Logan’s arm and bringing him to the bus stop at a jog.

“Virgil-”

“It takes you what, an hour to do your homework? You can spare a little time to hang out and chill with me. Do you go anywhere like, ever?”

Virgil dropped his arm when he realized he‘d been holding it. He busied himself by pulling out bus money.

“Plus, we can go to that cafe you told me you liked. It’ll be fun.”

“I go places, Virgil.”

“When was the last time you went somewhere that isn’t your house, my house, or school?”

“...Six weeks ago, I believe.”

“My point. Get on the bus.”

~~

“Today was awful.”

“It's only lunch, Virgil.”

Virgil put his head on his folded arms, silently hoping lunch would never end. He was pretty sure he just failed three tests and was about to fail another. He should probably employ study help from Logan, but he was so exhausted. And hungry. Aside from the tests, he’d forgotten both to eat breakfast and bring his lunch, which was probably another contributor to his awful mood.

“Are you going to eat? That usually seems to help if you’re feeling negatively.”

“Don’t have my lunch,” he mumbled through his sleeves.

“You can have mine. You told me earlier you have a test after lunch, you need it more than I do. I’m not very hungry anyway, I wasn’t even planning on eating it.”

“Oh. Are you sure?”

Logan fumbled through his bag, pulling out the box he kept it in.

“Sure.”

Virgil slid over, opening the box. He felt an arm wrap loosely around his shoulders. It wasn’t quite a hug. Virgil leaned slightly against Logan, eating quietly, unable to tear his mind off of the warmth in his chest.

~~

No, no no, not that song-

Words of death, destruction, and misery pounded at his head, trying to get in. Calming thoughts, he tried to replace them with. Think of beaches, and fluffy animals and Logan instead of-

Logan? Does Logan make you happy? Well we’re friends, friends- he doesn’t love you, he never will, not even platonically, you’re having such a fucking reaction to this-

“Virgil, can I touch you?”

Logan? Logan’s still here? Tell him yes, you need him- someone.

He managed a nod, feeling warmth cover his ears, felt Logan’s hands press them, blocking out the words. He leaned closer to the source of the warmth, burying his head as close as possible.

Is that okay? Will he hate me?

“Virgil, could you tell me about where you are and what you were just doing before this happened? Please remember where you are, the song isn’t real.”

“W-we’re in your room. I came here, because- because there wasn’t anybody home today and- and you s-said I could come talk and we- we were talking about music and we played My Chemical Romance but then they started playing that and I couldn’t breathe and I need my-”

He groped around for his backpack, digging desperately until he found his headphones. He put them on, holding them tight to his ears. Logan took his phone for him, opening YouTube because Virgil wasn’t really going to be able to use it at the moment with his hands so shaky.

“What do you want me to play?”

“Um- s-sometimes I listen to Be Calm when I have a panic attack but if you just wanna put some album on that’s fine too-”

He tried to breathe, feebly asking Logan to do the pattern, who tapped it out on his hand. He let the music consume him as it filled his ears. He leaned forward when it had been enough to calm his breathing back to normal. Logan wrapped his arms around Virgil, holding him closer than they’d ever dared to be before. Virgil barely even noticed, just glad to have something warm offering comfort. After a while, he hugged him back, feeling his body relax a little from the touch.

“Thanks, Lo.”

~~

Fuck fuck fuck-

Virgil swore he was going to tell him today. He was going to say “I like you” and then get rejected or not. Simple. If he was rejected, their relationship would go back to normal and they would forget it even happened.

Will it go back to normal? Will he think you're weird or something and stop being friends with you?

He had to tell him.

Virgil had followed him to the bathroom. He knew it was a stupid idea, but he wouldn’t do it if he waited until after lunch, and he was pretty sure no one but Logan even used the bathroom next to the lunchroom.

“Logan can I talk to you?”

“Friends typically converse, so I don’t see why not.”

Do it quick. Don’t give yourself time to overthink it.

“I, um, I get it if you don’t- I’ll just- like you.”

“...Don’t people usually interact with those they enjoy the company of? I assume you would like me, based on the amount of time we spend together.”

“Like… romantically.”

There was a pause as Virgil looked at the floor, prepared for rejection. He would've seen the blush on Logan’s face if he dared to glance up.

“Of course, I get it if you don’t feel the same, we can be friends still, or if you don’t want to be friends anymore that’s fine too-”

“Would you like to kiss me?”

Virgil finally looked up, finding that Logan had approached him, standing close before him. He felt the warmth on his cheeks and could see it darkening on Logan’s face as well.

“...Yes.”

“Then please do.”

That was the invitation he needed, barely waiting a moment to crash his lips against Logan’s, his heart somersaulting and his mind wondering if this was possible.

He couldn’t help but press harder, turning them around so Logan was pressed up against the wall. He pressed his chest closer until he wasn’t sure it could get any closer. Logan’s glasses were pushed up by Virgil’s nose, his hands reaching up towards Virgil.

“Virgil-”

“Virgil can-”

“Do you want me to stop, I’m sorry, I can stop-”

“No just- will we have to come up with a new agreement?”

Virgil laughed quietly. “Oh, I guess. What, like boyfriend rules?”

Logan leaned back towards Virgil’s lips.

“Something like that.”

[secondhand-trash]

Other students masterlist

|Shinsou Hitoshi|

Dead Romantics (modern magic au)

The young necromancer spent his entire life being all by himself, and now he had no idea what to do when an enthusiastic classmate went out of their way to be his friend.

I Take Thee (Shinsoubowl Week Day 1)

You remembered the promises you made to each other in your vows as you waited for your husband to come home.

Tough Competition (Shinsoubowl Week Day 2)

Nothing like a bit of friendly rivalry to get the tension going and affection to blossom.

The Usual (Shinsoubowk Week Day 3)

Shinsou was by no means a coffee drinker. But if it meant that he could see the cute barista who worked at the coffee shop by the corner, he would gladly pour that disgusting cup of liquid down his throat every day.

Good People (Shinsoubowl Week Day 4)

You had lost your hope that there were genuinely good people in the world a long time ago. So no, just because this hero was nice and didn’t want to fight you could not convince you anything.

Battle Scars (Shinsoubowl Week Day 5)

It was rough to see your lover coming home soaked from head to bottom and with a huge cut on his chest, but it pained you even more to see him so deep in self-blame.

Soft Spot (Shinsoubowl Week Day 6)

Shinsou’s plan to get some good rest was ruined but how could he say no when his classmate asked him for help in search of a lost kitten?

The Wizard’s Castle on the North (Shinsoubowl Week Day 7)(fairytale au)

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a wizard who lived alone in his castle on the north of the kingdom. The people of the kingdom hated the wizard, and so the king made an order that whoever could enter the wizard’s castle could be married to his heir and become royalty.

Hearts to Give

He had no idea that it was you who put a paper heart on his desk every day but it was fine, you’ve got plenty of hearts to give anyways.

Winner Takes It All (nsfw)

Shinsou felt the need to defend himself here, because he had no idea what the prize was before he actually won.

10 Things I Hate About You

You hated Shinso Hitoshi, mostly because you could not believe yourself when you said it no matter how much you tried.

Voicemail

“You have 1 new message”

Satin & Lace (nsfw)

The only thing better than a man in lingerie is two men in lingerie.

General romance stuff with Shinsou (hc)

Shinsou with a kuudere-like s/o (hc)

Talking to his wife’s pregnant belly (hc)

General nsfw stuff (nsfw)(hc)

Shinsou with a s/o who is allergic to cats (hc)

Shinsou’s s/o struggling with mental health (hc)

Shinsou with a low self-esteemed s/o (hc)

Shinsou with a s/o who goes mute when upset (hc)

Pro hero Shinsou with a pro hero s/o (hc)

General nsfw stuff 2.0 (nsfw)(hc)

Helping his s/o cope with the loss of a close pet (hc)

Soft hcs (hc)

Shinsou’s s/o being stressed over school (hc)

Sex with s/o with selective mutism (nsfw)(hc)

Taking care of s/o who is on their period (hc)

Sleepover with Shinsou (hc)

Camboy Shinsou but is he really??? (kinda nsfw???)(hc+drabble)

“I’m sorry, I think you got the wrong number.”+ “You know what’s funny? No matter what you’ve done, I’ll still fall for you all over again.” (drabble)

Falling off while cuddling (drabble)

Surprising Shinsou with a kitten (drabble)

Overhearing s/o’s “friend” making fun of their weight (drabble)

Leaving a bite mark on s/o’s cheek (slight nsfw)(drabble)

Shinsou with a crush that acts flirty towards everyone (drabble)

A statue comes alive when its soulmate held its hand (soulmate au)(drabble)

Purposing to his s/o (drabble)

Waking up to see his hair all sprawled out (drabble)

Cuddling with Shinsou (drabble)

Seeing s/o with a cat quirk naked after transforming from cat to human (drabble)

Trying to fuck Shinsou into sleeping (nsfw)(drabble)

Taking care of his drunk s/o (drabble)

His s/o mistaking that he might be cheating (drabble)

Teasing cat quirk s/o with catnip (nsfw)(drabble)

Overstimulating cat quirk s/o (nsfw)(drabble)

The smell of softener filling your senses as you have blankets wrapped up around you (drabble)

When you smell the cookies baking in the oven after your arms are sore from beating the mixture till white and fluffy for 30 minutes (drabble)

“So you’re just gonna abandon me?” (drabble)

“They warned me about you, I should have listened.” (drabble)

Feeling him up from behind while he was cooking (nsfw)(drabble)

Fisting (nsfw)(drabble)

Thigh riding (nsfw)(drabble)

Going into heat after being hit with a cat quirk (nsfw)(drabble)

Making reader ride a fuck machine with his quirk (nsfw)(drabble)

Fucking his s/o in front of a crowd (nsfw)(drabble)

Walking in on him moaning your name (nsfw)(drabble)

Thigh fucking (nsfw)(drabble)

Eating s/o out because they were not giving him attention (nsfw)(drabble)

Spiderman kiss while he hangs down the ceiling (drabble)

Worshipping his muscles (nsfw)(drabble)

Tutor Shinsou rewarding you (nsfw)(drabble)

Accidentally tying yourself up with his capture weapon (nsfw)(drabble)

Glade in a forest under the starry sky (drabble)

Coffee shop (drabble)

Comforting s/o (drabble)

Shinsou falling asleep with the cats (drabble)

Meatball Shinsou (nsfw)(drabble) > bonus drabble

Cooking with his s/o (drabble)

Tired Shinsou (drabble)

You dreamt of him (drabble)

A Teenager In Love (drabble)

Random snapshots of random animals at random times because they know you like that animal + brings you up naturally in a conversation you are not in (drabble)

Checking your phone late at night and see them go online the moment you open their message (drabble)

He slept on the couch once because the cat was napping against his arm and he did not want to wake it up (drabble)

The pet shop worker (harvest moon au)(character route archive)

La Petite Mort (ghost!Shinsou series)

|Amajiki Tamaki|

Your First Name, My Last Name (modern magic au)

There was something extremely important the fae would like to ask you, the only issue was that he didn’t know how.

A Day at the Fae’s Cottage (modern magic au)

Just another day at the shy fae’s cottage deep in the woods.

Tamaki taking care of sick s/o (for Red<3)(drabble)

The smell of softener filling your senses as you have blankets wrapped up around you (drabble)

Birthday present (nsfw)(drabble)

|Togata Mirio|

Party Night Fever (nsfw)(college au)

You got more out of a party you dreaded than you thought you would.

The scent of cinnamon filling the kitchen (drabble) 

|Monoma Neito|

Soft hcs (hc)

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Eleven Questions

I was tagged by the amazing @jeffreydeanneganstrash @neganismyobsession and @sherrybaby14 to play this game. 

Rules.

1. Post the Rules. 2. Answer the questions given to you. 3. Make 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people.

Since I was tagged 3 times, I’m gonna slightly cheat by answering the 33 questions I was asked, then write 11 of my own questions to tag 11 people in (rather than create 33 questions which I would spend all night coming up with lol). 

I’m putting a keep reading bar because this got hella long.

@neganismyobsession‘s Questions:

1. Favorite movie genre?

Lately, it seems to be horror, although I’m always a sucker for a good romance. 

2. If you could bring one thing to show your favorite celebrity, what would it be?

Tbh, if I ever met JDM, I’d love to magically have the resources to print out a copy of ID to give him, or at the very least take the first chapter and ask him to sign it. No shame lol

3. Who is your favorite fanfic writer?

Just one?!?! Oh god...I read fanfiction in so many fandoms that I literally can’t say I have one favorite. However, I’m gonna give a shoutout to my girl @hannibalssweaters whose writing has introduced me to some kinks I didn’t even know I was into, and has had me reading fics about characters/fandoms I’m not even involved with. If you haven’t read her stuff, I strongly encourage it (altho heed the warnings).

4. If you could live anywhere where money was not an issue, where would you live?

Ireland, most likely

5. What brought you to Tumblr originally?

Oh wow...that was back in like 2011, and I only made a tumblr because my undergrad roommates were talking about it and told me that I should, so I did lol

6. What is your favorite past time?

Reading...does that count?

7. If the zombie apocalypse did happen, what is the first thing you would do?

Pack up my cats and attempt to make it back to my hometown, although that’s a 4 hour drive away so idk if I’d make it. But I’d have a much better chance of survival in my small hometown out in the woods than I’d ever have here in a major city. I honestly think I’d be pretty fucked and die really quickly just trying to get out of here.

8. What is one movie you could watch over and over and not get tired of it?

Pride & Prejudice

9. If you could have been born in another time era, what time era would you pick?

Tbh, the reality of any past era is not one I’d be interested in, especially as a woman. But I love reading romance novels set in various historical eras. 

10. If you could be a famous person, who would you be?

Hmm...maybe Taylor Swift? Just to know what that level of fame would be like, but also because she’s relatable enough with her cats and old lady habits that I wouldn’t feel totally unlike myself lol

11. Apple or Android?

Apple

@jeffreydeanneganstrash‘s Questions:

1. Was there a book or movie that you read/watched that truly disappointed you? If so, which book/movie and why?

Book: The Game of Thrones series. I love the show (although I’m a few seasons behind) and bought the first 4 books, planning on trying to catch up and surpass where the show was, so I could know what happens next. I barely made it halfway through the first book before giving up. I was so disappointed that I just had no interest in it at all, and was forcing myself to read it. It wasn’t worth the dedication needed to read those beast-sized novels, if I wasn’t enjoying them.

2. If you could travel back in time, where would you go?

I kinda stated above how I personally would not wanna go back in time, because I like having more rights now as a woman than we have had in the past haha. I’m also not super into history, so I’m good with leaving the past in the past. 

3. What is your favourite quote or song lyric?

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” ~Marilyn Monroe

4. Who is you least favourite “popular” celebrity and why?

Donald. Fucking Donald. Do I even need to explain why?

5. When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood…who are you gonna call?

Hmm...I usually call my mother or grandmother in any panicky situations, so I guess one of them? Although they live 4 hours away, so idk how helpful they’d be if it was a physical danger lol. 

6. Would you ever play with a ouija board?

Fuck no

7. If you could be a part of any T.V./Movie universe, which would it be?

Most TV shows I watch are ones where human women end up dead way too often lmao. Uhhh...Harry Potter, perhaps?

8. Do you prefer mornings or nights?

Nights, definitely. Even though I have to be at work at 8am, I don’t think I’ll ever totally get used to that early morning shit.

9. Can you name 11 things that are around you?

couch, fluffy blanket, glass of water, laptop, cell phone, coffee table, 2 books on said coffee table, cat scratch post, 2 cats, purse, boots

10. Black or white?

Black

11. What is the soundtrack to your life?

One song that I relate to a lot and jam out to is Alessia Cara’s “Wild Things” lol. Also, just about anything by Taylor Swift or Kelly Clarkson is usually pretty relatable. 

@sherrybaby14‘s Questions:

1. Favorite Holiday?

Thanksgiving (which is coming up!) or my birthday, if that counts

2. Santa is going to bring you one toy this year. What do you ask for?

Heh...I’d probably pick out one of the super expensive sex toys that I’ve seen and lamented being unable to afford.

3. If money were not a concern, what would your dream job be?

Being a published writer

4. What are your favorite type of puzzles?

Ohhh I love puzzles of all kinds. I went through a phase a couple of years ago with large jigsaw puzzles that I then glued and framed. But I also love Sudoku, which I haven’t done in forever. 

5. What was your first kiss like?

Drunk and nothing special

6. If you had to change your first name, what name would you pick?

I’d refuse. I love my first name. It’s unique, and I rarely ever meet anyone else with it. 

7. What is the best dessert you can make?

I make some pretty bangin’ chocolate chip pumpkin cookies from scratch. 

8. What are you thankful for this year?

I feel like I went through quite a few stressful and heartbreaking tests this year, such as being unexpectedly evicted from my apartment due to renovations earlier in the year, and watching one of my cats lose his health over a period of 6 months and having to finally make the decision to put him down in August. Both those situations were ones where I just wanted to let my mental health tank, let the depression take over, and give up. So, I’m really thankful for my support system. For my family who offered support, for my friends offline who were always there to talk, come over and let me vent, or help me in whatever ways they could. I was also incredibly thankful for my tumblr family. The Negan fandom (and some lovelies in the Supernatural fandom) provided so much support to me that I will be forever thankful for. I had so many people message me about both situations, and I even received over $200 in ko-fi donations for my writing, to help out with moving expenses. I don’t have enough words to even express how much all the messages and asks and just the aura of support I received, both on here and offline, meant to me. Because of that support from those around me, I was able to keep myself from falling prey to my depression, was able to find a new apartment that I absolutely love, and was able to make it through the loss of Sebastian (and I now own a new kitten who has helped patch up both my grief and my other cat’s grief, and refill both our hearts with love). So, to everyone who sent me a message, sent donations, and/or just had me in your thoughts...thank you. I couldn’t have kept it together and made it through without y’all. 

(Sorry, that got uber cheesy XD)

9. Do you decorate for Christmas? If so, do you have any theme?

Ha, no. The cats would destroy any decorations, so I don’t even make the effort. 

10. Do you enjoy getting ready (i.e. hair, makeup, clothes)?

Eh, not like I used to when I was younger. I take maybe 15 minutes to throw myself together for work in the morning. It’s only a few select times a year when I’m either going home or to a friend’s house for a holiday (or the one time a year when I go out drinking for my birthday) when I enjoy putting on music and taking my time getting all made up and going all out with makeup and such.

11. Favorite store to shop in?

Probably Target. Or Kohl’s. 

Now, for My Questions: 

1. Do you have any pets? If so, what species, and what are their names?

2. Your favorite place that you’ve traveled to?

3. What are you currently reading?

4. One thing that you’re currently looking forward to?

5. Where do you hopefully see yourself in 5 years?

6. Your favorite flavor of ice cream?

7. What’s the best piece of advice that you’ve ever received?

8. Favorite brand/chain/type of coffee?

9. One thing you never leave home without?

10. Name 3 things (can be physical, emotional, etc.) that you love about yourself. 

11. If you were to recommend one published book/series for me to read, what would it be?

I’m gonna just tag a bunch of people since I answered more than 11 questions: @i-am-negan-trash @hannibalssweaters @strangersangel9 @vizhi0n @mrs-squirrel-chester @kellyn1604 @seraphimkouenki @superprincesspea @megmeg-chan @noodlecupcakes @faith-in-dean @sweetsweetpeach @ryangoslingstanktop @negan--is--god @thegirl-fromthesky @hazel-nuss @backseat-negan @autumnescape @wickednerdery @bamby0304 @embracetheapocalypsewithme @wheresthekillswitch @rapsity @supernaturally-lucky @superwholoki 

[elle-stevens]

Today was a good day.

At least, it started off that way.

I said an early prayer for immeasurable patience with my students and it worked for the most part.

I did give my fifth graders a minor dressing down for being rude and not paying attention in class. And then I told them that even though they’re the advanced English class, I could recommend that they get shifted to a different class next year if all they want to do is play around in class.

Yeah, I got dejavu on that last part.

Mainly because I told last year’s fifth grade class the exact same thing.

Hopefully, H doesn’t call me in for another meeting about the fifth grade class being butt-hurt about my honesty concerning their educational performance.

Whatever.

At least I’ve anticipated a potential crisis, if there is even one. I don’t think I was that harsh; I’m just erring on the side of caution.

Anyway, my day was pretty good at work. I was joking around my students and colleagues, everything was flowing.

All I until I got a reminder on my phone about a session I was supposed to have with my therapist tonight.

Which I totally forgot about.

I tried to re-schedule in a passive way because I was feeling way too good. And who needs therapy when they’re having a good day, right?

But then my therapist messaged me later to say she’d been waiting for me and I felt really shit about trying to get out of our session.

She didn’t even seem upset, but I felt bad for trying to bail on her. So we postponed till 45 minutes from now.

And it blows chunks because I could’ve just kept my appointment in the first place, gotten it over with and still had the rest of the night to myself.

So I guess that’s when my good day turned sour. I guess I’m feeling guilty about not taking my mental health more seriously and suffering the immediate consequences for it.

I don’t know, I just feel stressed and jittery.

I tried packing a bag for my weekend trip and it all went tits up. Mainly because I forgot how much fucking space winter clothing takes up in a suitcase.

I think I’m just getting inside my own head too much.

I did have a weird moment this morning where I dared to listen to some vibey, romantic songs.

And a few came up that immediately made me think of X.

They were songs that I got onto when we were still together. They made me celebrate our ‘love’ for each other.

And every time I hear them now, it all just feels like bullshit wrapped around lovely scented words.

Or are the lovely scented words also bullshit wrapped inside bullshit too?

I digress.

I finished watching a fluffy Christmas movie on Netflix (no spoilers) and it was cute.

I liked it.

It was very sweet.

But I just didn’t buy it.

This woman really loves this man?

This man really loves this woman?

They really love each other and would do absolutely anything to make each other happy?

I don’t know, it just didn’t ring true to me.

Not because the characters weren’t believable.

They were very convincing.

And yet... I still didn’t buy it.

Mainly because I felt like that couple hadn’t really thought through what it means to actually love someone and commit yourselves to them for ever and ever.

They only saw each other’s cute and wonderful sides the entire fucking movie!

But what happens after the fucking credits roll and this man realizes that he’s given up everything and everyone he’s ever known and loved to be with this woman? What happens if he sees her bad side on a bad day and immediately regrets his decision to love her?

What if she does the exact same thing in reverse?

Then what?

What do they fucking do next?

Even if my relationship with X was pretty much a sham from start to finish, my feelings for her weren’t a sham.

For better or for worse, I loved her.

I sacrificed everything for her.

Even when I saw her ugliest parts, I thought, ‘This sucks, but it’s ok because love can get you through anything.’

Except for the part where it fucking didn’t.

And I’m just realizing now how truly angry I am about how everything turned out.

Wow...

I guess I’m not that over X after all. At least not the ‘you broke my heart, ruined my life and I hope you fucking die’ part.

O-k, maybe I’ve been listening to too many Eminem songs lately.

Poor jaded sod...

I’m not that angry actually.

I’m just venting and it’s all pouring out of me like sludge.

But it’s good, right?

Or maybe I’m lying to myself and I really am this pissed off at romance for fooling me into thinking that love could fix anything.

The truth is, love does do all those things and deep down, I still believe that.

Which is why I know that what I had with X wasn’t real love after all.

And that’s the part that really makes me angry.

*takes a deep breath*

Ok, that was sort of cathartic.

It’s probably good that I’ll talk to my therapist in 30 minutes.

Maybe I need that therapy session after all.

[lemon-writings]

What I Learned in 2019

Now that we’ve gone through the goals, I’ll talk about what i learned in 2019.

2019 was a huge year for me. It was the beginning of my Senior year of high school, which means I’ll be at college next year. I got accepted to my dream college to be a Creative Writing major! I’m going to make 2020 my year.

Throughout 2019, I went through a lot. I got bronchitis during band camp; I became vegetarian; I got an ulcer; I worked two jobs; I was leadership in the marching band. It’s been a long and wild year, and I’m so excited to have learned so much from it. Some of these things are related to my writing, and others are related to my life.

Writing

I like third person narration and adult literary fiction

Now, my first few books were YA, which means they were first-person, present tense. The older I have gotten, the more I have realized that I really do not vibe with YA. I prefer a more literary feel to my works, and I want my works to feel more adult. With adult literary fiction, I can discuss a whole bunch of dark topics, and I feel I can allow my characters to be darker and less decent than in YA. 

The characters and situations in He’s Like an Ocean, my fluffy queer romance, are totally different from most of my other works. Guy and Lester have their own problems, yes, and Guy has had some pretty bad things happen to him, but they’re still pretty happy and put-together. The characters in Hamish are messy and literal garbage. Hamish and Genoveva are much darker and more awful than Guy and Lester could ever be. That’s really the marker between the two genres. Even in Lessons in Humanity, which has a pretty big romance, the characters are darker and grittier than Guy and Lester. There’s a lot of deep, in-depth discussion of suicide, mental illness, abuse, and other huge issues. Not that YA can’t handle these issues really well, because they can, but I like writing about them with the assumption that adults are going to be reading them. Not to be all New 52 about things, but I love writing about heavy, dark things in a setting where I can be heavy and dark without worrying about a young teenage audience. 

Channeling other sources

There’s always been a part of me that has worried about describing things that don’t really make sense. Especially in Jeez Take the Wheel. Describing God, Heaven, Hell, infernal and ethereal beings, magic, souls, the general world... it’s all hard to describe. It’s part of why I had a lot of difficulty starting Jeez, because I’ve always been so unsure of how to describe such unusual topics. 

The solution: reading books with weird descriptions. Welcome to Night Vale and Good Omens are my favorite books to consult, and podcast-wise, Welcome to Night Vale and The Adventure Zone. The YouTube video “Welcome to Hell” is also good, just because I really love the worldbuilding and general goofiness. Observing how others describe weird stuff (Night Vale with general weirdness, and Good Omens for religious weirdness) is perfect for me. It’s made writing Jeez Take the Wheel much easier and more fun. I’ve always wanted to give it a sarcastic, dry tone, and it bleeds through in some of the descriptions. 

It’s okay to take stylistic inspiration from other sources!

Writing in chunks is awesome

I started as a fanfiction author, so I’m no stranger to writing one-shots. However, in my more serious works, I’ve wanted to write everything all at once, because I thought it was more “proper”. It was this year that I realized writing in bits and pieces- or, using a more proper term, vignettes- is a great way for me to write singular scenes, especially if I’m stuck in a novel and trying to figure things out. 

This has been especially helpful in Jeez Take the Wheel and Midway Through Summer’s Bullshit, because I have trouble beginning writing with the thought that I am starting an entire novel. Writing a vignette is easier because it has far less pressure.

Basically: if you’re scared to write a novel, maybe try writing down a scene you have in mind. It works for me, but it might not work for the rest of y’all.

Lifestyle

Intense stomach cramps after eating meat are not normal

I know. I know. This should be obvious. 

Solution: I stopped eating meat. The meat cramps stopped. 

Dry heaving for three hours after eating is not normal

Again, this should be obvious. I thought it was just the bronchitis. Turns out? Digestive issues! Yay!

I really like literary fiction & marking up my books

My reading journey this year could be called “re-reads and lit fic”. It’s been a weird reading year, with a lot of Lauren Groff and Good Omens re-reads (three in total!). 

Also, last year, I started tabbing my favorite quotes. This year, I’ve tabbed, but I’ve also bracketed my favorites. I’m not at the point where I scribble in the margins, but I do love highlighting my favorite things. 

Mental health is important

I’ve got depression. I’ve got really bad depression, sometimes. I don’t shower for days on end, just because I don’t have the energy/don’t want to acknowledge I have a body. I also have anxiety. I worried myself into some medical issues this year (the aforementioned dry heaves and bronchitis), and it’s solely because I was freaking out about things, whether I can control them or not. It’s exhausting. It’s not worth it. 

So, even though I didn’t mention it in my goals, I’m going to take care of myself this year. I’m going to shower regularly. I’m going to dress up for no reason. I’m going to kiss my plushies goodnight and kiss my plants good morning. I’m going to tell my friends I love them. I’m going to listen to my garbage music.

I love astrology!

Is it, from a scientific standpoint, meaningless? Yes. Can I assign meaning to it anyways? Yes. Listening to my daily Aries podcast is relaxing. Wearing jewelry with the Aries constellation is cute. Reading my horoscope is fun. I like it because it feels nice. It doesn’t have to have some deeper meaning for me. People can tell me it’s bullshit, and I know it probably is, but I do this stuff because I like it, not because other people do. 

I’m very maternal

This one surprised me, because I don’t want kids, but I’m a very motherly person. I accidentally adopted a harem of band kids who call me mom, and I take them out to iHop for family dinners. My plants are literally more important to me than most other things in my life. I love taking care of things and people.

“I'm multi-dimensional! I’m a fully-realized creation! Fuck!”

Taako from The Adventure Zone is what I, a disaster gay, refer to as a disaster gay, and this rant was a condensed version of my realization of who I am this year.

I like drinking Frappuccinos and chai lattes. I like wearing chokers. I like wearing mom jeans and jean jackets. I like astrology. I like listening to indie music. I like my Hydro Flask. I like Redbubble stickers. I like corkboards with pictures of my friends on them. I like fairy lights. I like scrunchies. I like my succulents and ivies.

I also like Dungeons & Dragons. I like listening to crappy music on repeat. I like dressing like a mixture of Jeff Goldblum, Grunkle Stan, a stereotypical lesbian (a point of pride is saying that I am “the lesbian aesthetic”), and the 80s. I like speaking like an old man. I like reading weird books. I like fanfiction. I like singing along to cartoon theme songs. I

So, to quote Taako: “I have emotions! It’s not all ‘Abra-ca-fuck-you’ and what have you! I have a beating heart! I'm multi-dimensional! I’m a fully-realized creation! Fuck!”

I've spent far too long thinking I’m ugly

Maybe I’m not the type of pretty where people look at me and go, “WOW!”, but I’m the type of pretty where I look into the mirror and think, “I’m cute!”. I’ve spent a lot of my teenage years insecure. But you know what? I’m not horrible-looking. Yeah, I have acne, and a discolored front tooth, and my face squishes up when I laugh. I might not be gorgeous, but I need to love myself. I deserve love.  My hair is fluffy, my eyes are bright, and my flaws make me who I am. 

That’s just about it for 2019! It was a year of growth. 2020 will continue to be a year of growth. I hope to have a wonderful year, and learn more about myself!